Jul
30

Being Stared at by Japanese People

“I’m sick and tired of being stared at by Japanese people all day, every day, everywhere I go.“, said the Australian man in his late 20′s sitting 2 tables away.

To which his friend replied, “Then go back to Australia.”

This is Japan. And if you are foreign, chances are that people are going to stare at you.
It doesn’t seem to matter that we are living in the 21st century,  and that foreigners, or gaijin are no longer a rarity in Japan. People stare. And it’s probably not going to go away any time soon.

And while I would think it safe to assume that this staring at foreigners phenomenon would be more common in areas where there are less foreigners, in my experience, it has actually been quite the opposite.
While in Tokyo, I am stared at on a regular basis, I find that in the countryside, mountains, small towns, and minor fishing villages, etc.. (I… travel a lot for work) I am more or less treated… well… a little more normally.
People will make passing eye contact, nod, greet, or generally treat me the same as any other visitor. In smaller towns when someone does stare at me, I can usually expect it to be followed with some form of (attempted) conversation. Which all-in-all, if I have the time, is never a bad thing.

And while some of this could be chopped up to good old fashioned small town hospitality, it doesn’t change the fact that from time to time, some foreigners might want to be invisible too.

Some people are bothered by this. In fact, some people are seemingly overly bothered by this… to the point of starting fights or even changing seats/train cars/etc.. just to get away from it.

I was unfortunate enough to witness a North American man in his late 30′s freak out on a Japanese man on a train a few years back, just because the Japanese man was staring.
Now in his defense, the Japanese man had been staring relentlessly for about 25 minutes straight when the gaijin man, who was growing increasingly uncomfortable and irritated throughout the duration of the train ride, finally snapped.
He stood up, walked right up to the Japanese man and started yelling, “WHAT?! …SERIOUSLY?!?! WHAT DO YOU WANT?!?!…..”
I wish I had more of a story here for you, but I was somewhat embarrassed to be in the same train car at the time, and decided it might be best to switch cars.

I guess everyone has their own feelings when it comes to being stared at…

For me it has become a part of life in Japan that has seemingly faded into the background like the noisy pachinko parlors or the vending machines that sell neckties and beer. From time to time I will notice, but for the most part I don’t.

When I first came to Japan, being stared at was a point that really stood out to me (especially being stared at on a train… I felt like there was no escape), and whenever I was with Japanese friends, I would always ask the golden question:

Why do Japanese people always stare at gaijin (foreigners)?

And with the number of times I have asked that question, I find it amazing that the only seemingly legitimate answer I ever received is, “Because we can. Japanese people can’t stare at other Japanese people, but for some reason we feel that staring at a foreigner is something we can get away with.”

But I guess when it comes down to it, we have to accept that there’s nothing we can do about being stared at.
Or is there…?

While most people who notice, simply choose to ignore it or pretend that they are sleeping, some people choose to have a little more fun with it.

My old roommate J, used to make a game of it by seeing how long he could hold eye contact with people. (surprisingly, top record sits over two and a half minutes!)
A Swedish girl that works in the same building as me uses it as an opportunity to show off her magic tricks with coins, pencils, etc..
And my friend’s son (9-yrs-old) has made it routine to get into games of peek-a-boo or rock-paper-scissors with people who stare at him! (props to the minor on the creativity here lol)

But I think one of the more well known ideas comes from an artist named Arni Kristjansson.
Arni designed a (very legitimate looking) book cover which has been dubbed The Staring Book.

The Staring Book book-cover makes any book you are reading, look like a fictional book called, “日本人はなぜ外国人を見つめる？“　(Why do Japanese People Stare at Foreigners?) and has built quite a following. The cover has been featured on such sites as CNNGo, and Rocketnews24 and for anyone interested, is download-able in PDF format on Arni’s page!

Everybody has their own way of perceiving and reacting to being stared at.
And whether it drives you to the point of emotional breakdowns on the Tokyo subway system, or doesn’t faze you at all, it’s safe to say that it comes with the territory.

So if you are in Japan and hate being stared at, get a book cover, play some peek-a-boo, do a magic trick or two, or as the Australian guys friend said, go home.

 

Apr
28

Japanese People and Drunken Explosions

The title pretty much says it all. Japanese people… Tightly wound and constantly practicing enryo* and gamman* (the Japanese practices of ‘holding back’). But when the sake (or beer… or whiskey… or whatever the drink du-jour happens to be) gets flowing, it all comes undone.

I can’t count the number of times that I have seen the following happen:
End of year - bounenkai party season – all the office members make their way to an izakaya (Japanese bars) and the drinks start to flow. All fun and games at first, and then at some point in the evening a fight breaks out. There is yelling, there is screaming, and from time to time there is even a little bit of physical violence. Maybe someone gets a little too irritated with the new guy who wont shut up, or maybe Mr. Shy finally gets up the drunken nerve to tell the office cutie just what he thinks about her and her short skirts… But no matter what the situation, the example is illustrated.

And it doesn’t just stop there. Believe it or not, its not an uncommon occurrence for a Japanese man who lives away from his family to call in a drunken rage and proceed to yell at his wife blaming all his problems on her. Then, as if that isn’t quite enough, he’ll even go so far as to make her put the kids on the phone so he can share the brunt of his drunken decision with them!

And if the office and the home were where it stopped, you might not be reading this post.
But as it would seem, it seems to seep its way into the streets, parks, trains, and anywhere that these drunken time-bombs walk.

My story comes to you back from the year 2007… I was sitting on a bullet train on my way to Sendai Japan when a man who smelled of alcohol from 5 meters away decided to wobble his way over to the seat next to me and try and start up a conversation. To add to everything, he thought it would help his cause to speak English.

He slammed himself into the seat next to me and opened the conversation with “My daughter’s a b****” (which I would later find out he was mistaking for the word “whore”).  My jaw hit the floor and his story began.
The next 25+ minutes (which felt close to an hour) was filled with his attempt at telling a story in English…
What was the story about? While I could barely understand a word that came out of his mouth, his message was still crystal clear: He was not happy.

My tipping point in this particular conversation was when the man started going on and on about how his daughter liked gaijin and how gaijin were destroying this country, his daughter, and his life.
Honestly… what in the world could have possibly possessed this man to think that I would be the person to talk to about this?!?!
But I just kept telling myself, ‘He’s Drunk. He’s Drunk‘ figuring that it would come to a sleepy end soon enough. But then the bomb finally went off and he spit out the line that I suppose was inevitable,

“So go back your country foreigner”.

At this point, my face kinda looked like this –> (O.o)

I was tired, he was drunk, and honestly, I just wanted to enjoy my train ride.
So, I thanked him for the conversation and stood up.
And what does he do? He grabs my arm and pulls me back down into my seat. And to this, my reaction was less than passive.
I grabbed his hand by the wrist, looked him in the eye, and asked him quite sternly not to touch me again.
He paused for a moment.

And then… something mysterious happened…

He reached for his bag… and as if pulling a rabbit out of a hat, he pulls out a bottle of Japanese alcohol.
He holds it in front of me and with an almost mischievous grin on his face, says, “let’s drinking!”

What would you do?
I have never really been one to turn down interesting opportunities or situations in my life, and so I accepted.

As the time passed and the contents of the bottle depleted, the tension that once filled the air dissipated and the man who once seemed my enemy was now seeming much more like my friend.
We drank and talked (or at least tried to talk) for over a good hour. We showed pictures of our loved ones, talked about the good and bad of Japan, shared life stories and laughs, and even exchanged business cards. And in the end it came to a close just as I had originally predicted… He fell asleep. And that was it. I got off at my stop with another story in my pocket, and a difficulty walking a straight line.

He didn’t really want to fight. They very rarely do.

And so we wrap up yet another rant. Hopefully a little wiser, or at the very least, feeling slightly entertained.

After speaking to friends, colleagues, and random Japan-lovers about this, I found that many people have their own unique and interesting stories in this area, so I invite you to share!!

Apr
15

Pushy Japanese Oba-sans

We have all seen it at one point or another. You are getting on (or off) of a train, and a woman ranging from anywhere between her mid forty’s to her sixties, shoves by every single person just to get on the train and sit down.

These older women (or Oba-sans) can seem sweet and harmless, but it is there that the danger lies. Japanese people are known for being passive. They typically don’t show emotion, and they are more likely to walk away from any form of confrontation than to get into an argument, spat, or power struggle (especially in public).
These women have lived in this culture their entire lives and know this. And exploit it.
They are more than well aware that nobody is going to fight them. After all… it’s Japan… and … they’re women.

In fact, shortly after first arriving in Japan I was at a supermarket shopping for my dinner. I was young, working freelance, and pinching every penny that I could, so I always waited until around 7pm when the local supermarket discounted the meat! As I arrived in the meat section, I noticed that there was only one package of meat left and that it had been discounted by 50%!! I picked it up and went to put it in my shopping basket as I looked forward to the dinner that would follow, but magically, it never made it to the basket…

I got my first real taste of culture shock on this day as a Japanese woman well into her 40′s pulled the pack of meat right out from my hand and put it in her cart. Without so much as a look, she simply walked away. It was as if nothing happened…
Still in shock, I purchased the contents of my shopping basket and went home to eat a meat-less dinner.

But what happens when someone protests? What happens when someone finally stands up and says “Hey lady! I’m not gonna take that S#@&!” ? What happens when somebody shoves back??

Well… that’s where this post truly begins.
It all started with a seemingly quiet trip to Ikebukuro, a large and somewhat crowded shopping area in Tokyo, on a Saturday morning. I boarded the Yamanote line and managed to get myself a seat near the door. All was well and good until us Ikebukuro-b0und commuters went to get off the train….

As the doors opened, people waited to either side to allow for those exiting the train to do so with at least some ease. With the exception of just one woman. She was in her 50′s and had that crazy look in her eyes!

As people poured out of the train, she did everything she could to fight her way in. Looking like a salmon pushing its way upstream, she shoved past a man who was clearly having a bad day, and that’s when the unimaginable happened.
He shoved back.
It was a gentle shove, barely carrying the scent of frustration and even more barely noticeable to those not looking directly at the two, but what followed was something that will remain in my memory for years to come.

It started with a noise. A noise which at first resembled a grunt but quickly turned into a full and terrifying scream. Followed by what can only be described as nearly-profane language and a quick swing of her purse to the side of his head…

Everyone around stopped. Stunned. None of us could believe what just transpired. But more amazing was the fact that in the brief moment that it took us to recover, this woman had managed to get herself a seat. And not just any seat… my seat, right by the door. A cold shiver went down my spine and the train was gone. The moment had passed and would be remembered by all.

Now… It’s not every day that we get to see such incredible events in the gentle land of Japan, but its for exactly that reason that when they happen, they stand out.

The most dangerous part of it, is that you never know when its coming. Something as small as a sneeze could end up having you harassed by one of these Japanese middle-aged women, or even end up having you dragged to the police box (which if you read the post about what happened when I turned in a wallet, you will realize that as a foreigner, you don’t want to go to a police box for any reason other than perhaps asking directions)

After a quick search on youtube, I was able to find this video of middle-aged Japanese woman who was quite upset at an elderly woman simply for sneezing on her jacket:

I think one of the most common points that comes up when talking to Japanese friends about Japanese culture, is this point about pushy middle-aged Japanese women.
As I write this section, I am sitting in a JAL lounge in Narita Airport and right in front of me there is a Japanese woman in her early 60′s who just pushed her way to the front of the snack counter, and is currently filling her purse with “complimentary” snacks.

Now… I could spend another 500+ words talking about how this pattern could possibly relate to a Japanese female “mid-life crisis”, or how it could be a release or overcompensation for a lifetime of ‘gamman‘ (the Japanese practice of holding back or self control), or even how it could potentially be a back-lash from decades of taking crap…

I could get more into this… But I won’t!

Instead, I am going to open up the floor to all of you~
If you have a story or two, share them in the comments section below!!

Apr
02

The Little Pervert

It was that hour of the day where the sun is painting everything in the city a beautiful shade of orange as I boarded the train. All of the seats were taken, but the train wasn’t what I would call crowded.  I stood in the middle of the area where the doors were, and put in my headphones. I had just finished an interview with a fairly famous musician about an hour before, and was looking forward to getting home.
Standing 2 or 3 steps away from me to my right was a girl of about 23 in a short skirt and tall boots. Deadly combo. She had a sweet face, but I guessed she probably worked as a hostess somewhere. I shifted my focus off of her and onto the recording of my interview.

At the next station, a young boy of about 14 years old wearing a school uniform boarded the train.
And this… is where things started.

As the kid boarded the train, he stood behind her at a distance that couldn’t have been more than a few centimeters. This stood out. The train wasn’t all that crowded and he was in plain view of everyone. And everyone noticed. But this is Japan, which means that just as quickly as they noticed, they switched to pretending that they saw nothing.
You know what they say… Ignorance is bliss.
But the girl noticed and she took about 2 steps closer to the door. It would seem that she couldn’t maintain the same blissful state as the other passengers. And if this had been any normal day, or any normal 14 year old Japanese kid, the story might have stopped there.
But instead, the young guy waited about 10 seconds and reached up to grab the handle near the do0r. As he did this he ever-so-slyly moved himself back into position, almost pressed up against this girl.
Much to my surprise, she did nothing. For almost a full minute she remained exactly where she was with this little Japanese boy pressed up against her. But as we arrived at the next station, she took this as an opportunity to maneuver herself into the corner space created by the intersection of the doors and the seats.
As soon as the door closed, he moved in again. Just as sly as last time. But this time, pressed right up against her.

Now… From the moment this started, everyone on the train noticed. And yet nobody reacted. Nobody said a thing, and nobody did a thing.  In fact, I started to wonder if I was going crazy or completely misreading the situation. In fact the little f***er even had the balls to not only make, but hold eye contact with me several times in the reflection of the glass.  His face and eyes carrying an expression that would imply that nothing out of the ordinary was going on.
I was confused.
Was I really seeing this?! Should I say something?! Do something?!

And that’s when the situation changed a little. He started to bend his knees and actually rub up against her, and this was when I caught a glimpse of her face. It was no longer sweet, but instead she looked furious, and was pouring sweat.

Now, I have a standing promise with myself to not get involved in other peoples issues here in Japan. In Japan (especially in Tokyo) making an attempt to help someone out, can often turn around on you and make for a very long and stressful day. (See “Why I No Longer Help People in Tokyo“). But this was a little more than I was willing to take.

I lightly grabbed him by his back pack and only meant to pull him backwards, but when I noticed, I had partially lifted him off the ground to the point where his toes were barely touching. I thought to myself that I should stop, but for some reason I just didn’t care in that moment. There I stood in front of everybody holding this boy who now looked like a cat being held by the scruff of its neck, and I just couldn’t care less that they were all staring. I remember myself thinking “A girl is getting felt up on the train, and you all do nothing, but NOW you stare?!?“.

With him still in the air, I leaned forward and whispered in his ear. I gave him 2 options, neither one particularly attractive, but the later of the 2 at least allowed him to escape without any real damage being done.
He froze and said nothing. People were still staring and I was becoming increasingly more aware of my situation and the number of people watching me.
And then, he finally gave in (and I let go). He went with the second option (which was a very public-style apology). Right there in front of everyone in the train, he dropped down on his hands and knees and apologized to the girl (which in retrospect was not as good of an idea as I had originally hoped considering this only served to embarrass her further >_<). After his apology, he remained in his bow for what felt like an eternity (but in reality was probably less than 15 seconds)

As the doors opened at the next station, the young boy got off and disappeared at a speed that I can only describe as impressive considering his size.
He was gone, but I was still stuck on the train with this girl and all the witnesses. I really should have gotten off with him. Hindsight is always 20/20…

As the train finally arrived at its last stop the girl turned to me over her shoulder and took a moment to thank me. We are friends to this day, and it turns out that I was right about her job (^_-). (I still think her choice of outfit that day was… well… problematic to say the least. But that’s for another post).

At the end of this I was left feeling shocked, flabbergasted, and having a lot less faith in humans than I did when I left home that day (which is pretty bad considering that those numbers are already running pretty low…).
I found myself truly concerned with this country and what it’s coming to.
Honestly, what does it say when a kid of that age is already taking part in these type of activities?!

This incident was actually one of the main moments that inspired this website.
I wonder what that little 14 year old is doing now… On second thought, probably better not to think about it.

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