Pushy Japanese Oba-sans
We have all seen it at one point or another. You are getting on (or off) of a train, and a woman ranging from anywhere between her mid forty’s to her sixties, shoves by every single person just to get on the train and sit down.
These older women (or Oba-sans) can seem sweet and harmless, but it is there that the danger lies. Japanese people are known for being passive. They typically don’t show emotion, and they are more likely to walk away from any form of confrontation than to get into an argument, spat, or power struggle (especially in public).
These women have lived in this culture their entire lives and know this. And exploit it.
They are more than well aware that nobody is going to fight them. After all… it’s Japan… and … they’re women.
In fact, shortly after first arriving in Japan I was at a supermarket shopping for my dinner. I was young, working freelance, and pinching every penny that I could, so I always waited until around 7pm when the local supermarket discounted the meat! As I arrived in the meat section, I noticed that there was only one package of meat left and that it had been discounted by 50%!! I picked it up and went to put it in my shopping basket as I looked forward to the dinner that would follow, but magically, it never made it to the basket…
I got my first real taste of culture shock on this day as a Japanese woman well into her 40′s pulled the pack of meat right out from my hand and put it in her cart. Without so much as a look, she simply walked away. It was as if nothing happened…
Still in shock, I purchased the contents of my shopping basket and went home to eat a meat-less dinner.
But what happens when someone protests? What happens when someone finally stands up and says “Hey lady! I’m not gonna take that S#@&!” ? What happens when somebody shoves back??
Well… that’s where this post truly begins.
It all started with a seemingly quiet trip to Ikebukuro, a large and somewhat crowded shopping area in Tokyo, on a Saturday morning. I boarded the Yamanote line and managed to get myself a seat near the door. All was well and good until us Ikebukuro-b0und commuters went to get off the train….
As the doors opened, people waited to either side to allow for those exiting the train to do so with at least some ease. With the exception of just one woman. She was in her 50′s and had that crazy look in her eyes!
As people poured out of the train, she did everything she could to fight her way in. Looking like a salmon pushing its way upstream, she shoved past a man who was clearly having a bad day, and that’s when the unimaginable happened.
He shoved back.
It was a gentle shove, barely carrying the scent of frustration and even more barely noticeable to those not looking directly at the two, but what followed was something that will remain in my memory for years to come.
It started with a noise. A noise which at first resembled a grunt but quickly turned into a full and terrifying scream. Followed by what can only be described as nearly-profane language and a quick swing of her purse to the side of his head…
Everyone around stopped. Stunned. None of us could believe what just transpired. But more amazing was the fact that in the brief moment that it took us to recover, this woman had managed to get herself a seat. And not just any seat… my seat, right by the door. A cold shiver went down my spine and the train was gone. The moment had passed and would be remembered by all.
Now… It’s not every day that we get to see such incredible events in the gentle land of Japan, but its for exactly that reason that when they happen, they stand out.
The most dangerous part of it, is that you never know when its coming. Something as small as a sneeze could end up having you harassed by one of these Japanese middle-aged women, or even end up having you dragged to the police box (which if you read the post about what happened when I turned in a wallet, you will realize that as a foreigner, you don’t want to go to a police box for any reason other than perhaps asking directions)
After a quick search on youtube, I was able to find this video of middle-aged Japanese woman who was quite upset at an elderly woman simply for sneezing on her jacket:
I think one of the most common points that comes up when talking to Japanese friends about Japanese culture, is this point about pushy middle-aged Japanese women.
As I write this section, I am sitting in a JAL lounge in Narita Airport and right in front of me there is a Japanese woman in her early 60′s who just pushed her way to the front of the snack counter, and is currently filling her purse with “complimentary” snacks.
Now… I could spend another 500+ words talking about how this pattern could possibly relate to a Japanese female “mid-life crisis”, or how it could be a release or overcompensation for a lifetime of ‘gamman‘ (the Japanese practice of holding back or self control), or even how it could potentially be a back-lash from decades of taking crap…
I could get more into this… But I won’t!
Instead, I am going to open up the floor to all of you~
If you have a story or two, share them in the comments section below!!
Oh the lovely Oba-sans…. ^^;
I have to admit, as awful as some of them can be, they’ve found a loose end, and…well…run with it! Run VERY far with it! But you’ve made a very good point at the end about why they might have taken said loose end and run. Though, I still can’t believe people would want to act like this at all. (T_T) That’s a bit sad.
I had to laugh, admittedly, reading your story because I always thought it was remarkable how often the older women tend to do this. My favorite story is not nearly as interesting as the meat one you told (I’M SO SORRY!! (;__;) I really wish you’d gotten that–that was so sad! (>< )), but it's the same premise.
I went shopping with my sister in our beloved Nakano Broadway. We were shopping for nice outfits for an event we had to attend the following day, and I happened across something that I thought was nice enough. It wasn't anything super special, but I did like it, and there was only one left.
I lifted it up to show my sister, "Hey Alex! This is cute, isn't it?"
No sooner had I finished speaking, then out of the blue a wild housewife appeared, tearing–literally tearing–the garment from my hands and rushing off to the register with it.
I have to admit, astounded though I was, I was impressed she had actually snatched it right up out of my hands with an audible, "RIIIIIP!" and run off to the register with it! I think I stood there for a few minutes in shock.
….but now I know it's a common occurrence! Although I think I started to realize that after seeing it happen (surprisingly!) so often! This is a great topic for the rants blog–thank you for sharing!!!!
LOL. This brings back so many memories. When I came to Japan the first time, I remember trying to get on a train with my big luggage. One of these Japanese middleaged women just pushed right by me. The best part is that it wasnt even to get a seat. She just seemed to want to stand in the corner area. But that left me staning in the middle with all my luggage. Kinda wish she had thought that one out a little more.
I think everyone can relate to this post lol. Thanks
The woman who lives in the house beside my place is just as bad. On garbage day she just sits in her doorway, and when I come out to put out my garbage, she insists on watching me, talking to me about it, or physically checking it herself. I made the mistake of leaving the caps on 2 or 3 plastic bottles a few weeks after I moved in, and she has never let me live it down. Every week.
And I see these women on the trains all the time. I take the Odakyu line and there are a lot of these women that get on around the yoyogi area. Sometimes it’s fun when 2 or more go to get on the same door, and do a full scale dash race to the closest seats. It really reminds me of musical chairs! Sometimes there is just one person left standing, looking sad and defeated.
Woah!!!
Seriously what is that woman’s problem? (talking about the video) …
Even if the oba-chan sneezed on her jacket, going to the police is just too much!!! WTF?
I’m not too surprised, though. I’ve experienced so many WTF-moments here in Japan already, but something like that I’ve never witnessed so far (luckily).
Thanks for sharing!
Funny, but after watching this video I came away with the impression that Japanese were not easily perturbed.
While I thank you for the video (which was entertaining in it’s own way), I don’t really think that this applies to middle-aged Japanese women being pushy.
However, this video is a shining example of 2 points:
1. A special type of foreigner in Japan who through making an a$$ of himself (no matter how undeniably funny some people may find it), is essentially making all foreigners in Japan look bad. It is people like this guy who make life harder in Japan for those who live here and try to make the best of it.
and
2. It would be less-than-accurate to assume that just because there are no reactions or freak-outs to this gentleman, that this means they were not “perturbed”.
Chances are, the majority of the people on this train were quite irritated and may even have a fairly negative image of foreigners in Japan now. Many of them may use this as a story for years to come, of why foreigners are bad for Japan, or how they disrupt the lives of ordinary Japanese citizens.
But rather than outwardly react, the Japanese are more inclined to hold it inside and wait for it to end.
If you read the post on Japanese People and Drunken Explosions, it will give you a slightly more clear view on how and when Japanese release their frustration most commonly~
Thanks again for the video though~
And also he murdered people. That cant be good for the image either-
?
The guy in the video’s name is: James Blackstone. He was arrested for the murder of an 21-year-old Irish student a while back.
Hah, I’ve been living in Japan for 5 years, but it’s only since I started working in Tokyo last year (coming from Saitama every morning) that I started witnessing this behavior on a more regular basis. (my old job was closer to my residence and the trains weren’t crowded).
Needless to say, I quickly adjusted my behavior accordingly. The last time an obachan tried to cut in line in front of me (while physically pushing me), I physically grabbed her by the back of her clothes and shoved her out of the way. I quickly combo-ed with a slap on the head and a loud “CHANTO NARABE KONO YARO!!”
(with a perfect pronunciation of the Rs in a yakuza-like manner that I have practiced so much:)
Needless to say, she was quite shocked and I don’t think that she will be trying to push past foreigners anymore
Most of these people (be it obachans, businessmen, etc) will back down the second you start getting in their face a bit. If you just push back in a passive-aggressive manner, they won’t change, but let me tell you that if you uppercut a salaryman who’s being a jerk, right in the chin with all your might, he’ll be too surprised to do anything, and will think twice before taking up twice as much space as he should.
If they complain, just keep yelling at them in English and telling them to shut the hell up. They don’t want to be the focus of attention, so usually the situation will just die down pretty fast.
Although there is an argument to be made that this might give a bad image to foreigners in Japan… I say, screw it. If somebody acts like an idiot, they deserve to be treated like one, and if nobody else is gonna step up to the task, I’m more than happy to.